Why We Grieve Celebrities: The Psychology of Loss & Liam Payne

Dr Marianne Trent (: 00:00

Why do we grieve for people we've never even met? If Liam Payne's death hit you

hard or you are still feeling the weight of it now, you are not alone. There's a

psychological reason why celebrity losses can feel just as painful as losing someone

in your own life. And if you are a mental health professional, understanding why

this happens is key to helping people process these emotions in a healthy way. The

way that grief works is we don't just mourn the person. We grieve the memories,

the moments, and even the future that we had imagined for that person. Just like

when Matthew Perry died, friends fans weren't just mourning, Chand being, they

were mourning the hope of another season that would never come for One

Direction. Fans, this loss might feel much bigger than just one person. Many had

hoped for a reunion, another album, or one last tour, but now that possibility has

hen Take that broke up in the: 1990

intense that a helpline was set up for devastated fans to call, and in that case, no

one had even died. So why does this type of grief feel so real? Why can it linger for

months or even years? Today we are diving into the psychology of grieving

celebrities, how it affects us and what we can do about it.

(: 01:17

Hi, I am Dr. Marianne Trent, a clinical psychologist and author of the Grief

Collective and host of the Aspiring Psychologist Podcast. Grief is something I have

spent a lot of time supporting people through, both in my clinical work and

through my writing. It's also something I've experienced and it is not nice at all,

but something I do see time and time again is that grief doesn't always look the

way that people expect it to. It also doesn't only show up when losing a close family

member or friend or pet for that matter. It can show up in many different ways,

including mourning a public figure that you've never met in person. If you've been

struggling with Liam Payne's death or any other celebrity or public figure loss,

your feelings are valid. The way that our brains work, that doesn't necessarily

separate the people that have been a big part of our lives from those who have

been in our day-to-day lives.

(: 02:11

And if you are a mental health professional, understanding why celebrity grief can

be so profound, this can help support your clients in a more compassionate and

informed way. So why do we grieve celebrities? One of the most fascinating things

about human psychology is that we can form emotional bonds with people we've

never even met. This is what is known as a parasocial relationship, which I know

does sound like kind of a complicated term. So let's break it down together. Para

means beside or alongside, and social refers to our relationship with others. So a

parasocial relationship is a one-sided emotional connection that we develop with a

public figure. That could be a musician, an actor, an author, or even a content

creator for that matter. We may never actually directly interact with that person in

any way, so they may never know that we exist. But the important factor is that

they have been a presence in our life, sometimes for years, maybe even decades

when we think about it, Liam Payne and One Direction were part of so many

people's teenage years.

(: 03:19

They were there during highs and lows through their music interviews and live

performances. And when someone who's been part of your life in that way is

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suddenly gone and in such a traumatic way, it can feel deeply personal and deeply

distressing. The same thing happened when Matthew Perry died. For so many

people, friends was a source of comfort, laughter, and nostalgia. It absolutely

reminds me of my youth, of carefree times of friendships and a different time in

our lives. His death wasn't just about losing an actor, it was about losing Chandler

B and all the memories we had made attached to him, his character and the series.

Similarly, one Direction fans didn't just lose Liam, they've now lost what feels like

a piece of their past, their teenage years, and the hope of future reunions that will

n Take that first broke up in: 1996

(04:11):

Fans were absolutely devastated, and the reaction was so overwhelming that a

helpline had to be set up for fans struggling to cope. And this was when nobody

had died. They'd just split up, and there could still have been a chance that they

would one day reunite. There could well have been that hope with Liam Payne and

with the 1D Band, but of course, with Robbie Williams and the rest of Take that

they perhaps needed that time apart to grow, to heal, and to eventually reunite

many One Direction fans might have been hoping for that same thing for the band.

But of course, when a member dies, that no longer becomes possible and can lead

to grief as a result of that, and that's a really tough thing to process. I want to

break down a concept that might again feel or sound a bit scary and a bit big, and

that's the concept of disenfranchised grief.

(: 05:06

And if we were to kind of look at that together, it's one of the reasons why this kind

of celebrity grief feels quite complicated actually, because it's not always

recognised or validated by others. So disenfranchised means that it's unrecognised

or dismissed by society or others, and the grief is the emotional response to that

loss. So disenfranchised grief is what happens when you are mourning or grieving,

but people around you don't necessarily see it as a real grief. So for example, if you

had lost a family member, a friend or a pet, most people would tend to offer you

their condolences and their sympathy. They might check in on you and

acknowledge your pain, ask how they can help. But when a celebrity dies, people

might dismiss that grief and say things like, but you didn't even know them. It's not

like they were part of your family, or, why are you so upset?

(: 06:04

This can make you feel like you shouldn't be grieving or that your emotions are

somehow invalid or unwelcomed. But the ugly truth about grief is that it isn't just

about losing someone that you knew personally. It's about losing that connection

that mattered to you. And why might mental health professionals feel this grief in

an intense way? Something I find really interesting is that even people who may

not have been a one direction fan still might have felt really sad about Liam's

death. Why could this be? I think being a mental health professional or just being a

really empathetic human, we can really connect to and feel the weight of

someone's struggles, perhaps the untapped potential or the tragedy of their

circumstances. Often with mental health professionals. I think it's also that sense

of I really wish something someone, or maybe even I could have helped them.

(: 06:59

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This makes me think about the same thing happening when Amy Winehouse died.

People weren't just mourning her music. They were mourning the struggles that

she went through and the hope that she might one day overcome them. And the

tragedy is that her life was cut short at the age of 27 for Liam Payne too, there's

that sense of what if he'd been able to get the support that it seems that he clearly

needed? What if things had turned out differently? He'd got a chance to watch his

little boy grow up, and what if he'd lived to make the changes to continue his solo

career and or heal enough to be able to reconnect with one direction too? All of

those what ifs, that jagged edges, what we call the yearning and the bargaining in

grief can make it really hard to process and mean that it just doesn't lay flat.

(: 07:44

So how do you cope with celebrity or parasocial grief? If you are struggling with

Liam Payne's death or any other celebrity or public figure loss, here are a few

things that might help. Number one, acknowledge your feelings. Your grief is valid.

You don't have to justify that to anyone. Number two, talk about it. Share

memories, discuss their impact and connect with others who understand too.

Number three, you might like to channel it into something positive. Listen to their

music. Donate to a cause they supported or write about what it meant to you.

Number four, it's the same for all grief. We need to be able to give yourself time.

Grief doesn't have a set timeline, and it's okay to still feel emotional months later.

A celebrity grief is real because as humans, we have emotions and our brains don't

always differentiate between people we know and people we don't.

(: 08:38

And that is the nature of the parasocial grief, which can be so easily invalidated in

others around you. We can even invalidate ourselves too. If you are struggling with

grief or if you'd like to be able to understand how to support people who are

grieving, please do check out the grief collective stories of life loss and learning to

heal. People tell me that it really helps them to understand themselves and to

understand why people grieve how they grieve. And it includes 54 stories written

by real people about their experiences with grief for a variety of reasons. Thank

you for watching. If you found this content helpful, I would love it if you would

subscribe. If you're watching on YouTube, drop a like drop a comment. Let's

support one another in the comments. Let me know why you are watching and

what it has evoked for you. Please do consider sharing this episode with someone

that you think might benefit from it. Please, obviously, if you do feel that you can't

keep yourself safe and that life doesn't feel like it's worth living, please do reach

out to your local mental health service or your local doctor. Grief might feel like it

will never end, but I promise it can be processed so that it lays flatter and so that

life feels more worth living again, in future,

Jingle Guy (: 09:59