Reflecting on the impact of supervisory relationships

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Hi, welcome along to the aspiring psychologist podcast. Thank you for listening now today, I would like to think with you about the incredible people that we meet along our journeys into becoming qualified psychologists and beyond. You know, when I think back and reflect on this, it feels so lovely to have been able to keep people in my world either in my head or in real terms as well. And this idea came to me this morning as my brain keeps waking me up at 5:59 AM. I don't know why this morning, I woke up assuming that it was 5 59 and it was in fact 5 45. And my brain was excited, was excited and it was busy planning out this episode that just occurred to it. And I was like, seriously, brain, can we not do this? You know, from 7:00 AM, we can be excited then that's okay.

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And I'd not long got back to sleep again. Often I just get up at six, but I, I was, I'm not getting up at 5 45, not when it isn't for a child. So I just kind of laid there and planned this episode in my head. And then eventually I managed to get back to sleep again. And I was woken up just before seven with my husband doing some ballerina legs. dunno what he was doing. He's not a ballerina either. And like ire my leg over to try and like gently sort of softly contact him in a way that's not a kick to just try and quell those ballerina legs. But he was so far away the other side of the bed, I didn't know what he was doing, so I couldn't even reach him really. And we've only got a double bed, so , that was some skill.

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And then like when he got up, I said, what were you doing? It was like, you were doing ballet, which the kids found hilarious. He said, oh, I did have some wild dreams, really wild as I was having them. I was thinking, oh, this is weird. And then the kids started talking, so I never got to find out what those weird twidly legs were all about. But yeah, I thought what a nice way to help you develop your skills in reflection, you know, perhaps this can be the sort of thing that you write in a reflective journal, perhaps it might be, you know, the practice of gratitude. I think we've a bit careful with the practice of gratitude that we don't, you know, make ourselves feel grateful, you know, for, I dunno having air when the rest of a situation is really toxic, but gratitude can be a really useful thing to do.

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When things are generally going reasonably well, because I don't wanna Gaslight ourselves by, you know, doing false positives by telling yourself that, oh, you know, at least, at least I've got a pair of shoes without a hole in, even though I'm being bullied by my supervisor and, you know, it's all awful. So yeah, let's not Gaslight ourselves with gratitude, but let's use it in a way that enriches and enhances ourselves. So I thought I'd talk to you about some of the incredible people that I've met along the way and why they've resonated with me. I haven't got any consent to share names and so I'm gonna do so in a way that is anonymous so that they will know who they are. But yeah, hopefully not sharing too much data. So I first when I first started working for a local government when I lived in Milton Keens, I had a supervisor in that role.

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And she was really key to me in helping me develop my reflection, develop my containment. And she was my first ever supervision session. It all felt quite weird to begin with. It felt a bit like, well, this is odd. What's the point in this? I don't get it. It feels a bit intrusive. I don't know if I like it. It feels a bit weird having this space held for me every week makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, not really used to having space held for me and people wanting to know my opinion and thinking about safeguarding and documenting things and taking supervision notes. But working under her expert care, she was the first to be really meticulous about written communication. And that's something that stayed with me. I love letters and they're so important. So she was the first to be really meticulous about about written communication and making sure we were sending, you know, good letters really.

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And so, yeah, I have kept her in my life. I spoke to her as recently as a couple of months ago on the phone. So I was with her for about two years and it was a a non psychology role, but I learned so many useful things from that role, you know, being part of an M D T you know, working with clients who had physical health disabilities it was an incredible role as well as, you know, really connecting, I hope in a lifelong way to this incredible woman. Yeah, it's been kind of been like being re mothered a little bit, you know? And I know she's, well, she tells me she's very fond of me fond as a word. I absolutely attribute to her. And yeah, she's really proud of me and that really matters, you know, so the people we meet at the early stages of our career might well see things and see potential within us that we maybe don't see ourselves.

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So she obviously could see that I had this psychology degree and had this desire to go off and, you know, pursue it. So, you know, it's difficult, isn't it? Cuz she didn't wanna let me go because she loved what I did and liked her liked being you know, my supervisor, but also, you know, had to let me go with, with Goodwill and grace and wishing me well in the world, even though I know that she would've missed me when I left. But yeah, we've stayed in contact and you know, she's really lovely. So really think about, you know, what other supervisor relationships you might have had and why they've been, you know, useful to you and how you can take that forward into your other supervision relationships as well. The next important pivotal milestone was my first assistant psychologist supervisor within a large psychiatric hospital.

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, I just, oh, just really loved every supervision session. I loved time in her office. I loved your boots. You had fabulous boots before I met you, but your boots became even more fabulous with with me and your world because I gave you access to really great boots and you will know why that is and everyone else will be like, how will you the provider of great boots Maryanne, but yeah, you know, I didn't feel like just part of the cogs and part of the machinery and you know, I know it's very difficult when we're supporting aspiring psychologists when there can be a reasonably high turnover of staff within trusts and divisions and hospitals because it can just feel a bit like yeah, like cogs, you know, like that working through. And I was never made to feel that way.

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I was made to feel like a valued part of the team. That makes me think about the penguins of Madagascar if you watch that film you'll know what I mean. It's very good. You should watch it. Yeah, really valued part of the team and the community and you know, they really liked having me there. They really valued my work. And you know, I learned so much about working in forensic services and having fun as well. my supervisor was really fun. And just starting to bring in some more, you know, personal self into supervision and starting to really think about developing explicitly my skills as an aspiring clinical psychologist and you know, it's such invaluable experience, but yeah, I did bump into her at some training a couple of years ago now it's so nice to see her and we are still connected via Facebook, but we have busy lives, you know, busy lives.

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But yeah, sending, sending her so much love and the next is my first supervisor as a trainee clinical psychologist and it felt like such an important period. And we got on really well even though to begin with I just was so intimidated by her cuz she was a proper grown up and she kind of was schooling, dynamic ways of thinking. But I know after that time did broaden out compassion and things like that, but you know, just a wonderful soul and I really valued every second I spent with her. And so I just wanted to give her a special mention and to know that everything I do in sessions and everything, you know, I feel really grateful that you've been part of that and helped shape this experience. The next is the member of staff who was my personal tutor during the course and I don't know why.

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And he also ended up being the internal invi later the internal examiner in my VIVA, but I don't think that was because he was my personal tutor. But my VIVA was a bit Archy actually. The external examiner was not my biggest fan . The first section on the introduction went really well. He really enjoyed that section really enjoyed section three as well. He did not like section two. He did not like the way that I'd done my grounded theory. And it led to a very difficult vibe. And yeah, I just felt ripped to shreds and was really disheartened. And just the support from my personal tutor in that session was invaluable. And knowing that he was there and then in the time after that as well, he said, oh, he'd actually said if you'd cried during that, he would've wanted to fail you.

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And I was like, oh, that feels a bit ouchie. How I didn't cry? I don't know. I just held it together and got through it, got it done and did actually pass with any min mods in the end as well. But yeah, I feel really grateful when I reflect on that time and when I think of him I just was really, I think I was really pleased that he knew me and we'd, you know, developed that relationship during during the training and grown with each other as well during the training. And so it felt really nice that he had my back and he knew me and he knew that I was competent and capable. So yeah, he had a special mention my first ever qualified supervisor. You know, I just think so fondly of the time that we spent together going from you know, newly qualified, getting to grips with working five days a week and driving long commute, you know, that's a big do, that's a big ask.

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And you know, just yeah, coming into the world of being qualified and taking ownership and doing leadership and having clinical accountability and responsibility, she really helped empower me to do those things to do them with grace and you know, a plum. And then she took me through other important milestones as well. I got married during that that time at my, at that role, I became pregnant and had my baby, my first baby in that role. And it was a really important nurturing experience, actually those supervision sessions and holding that space in a way that was wonderfully nourishing and healing and validating, and really helped me navigate such important milestones in my life. And I think very fondly to that time. And when I left that service, it was, I was absolutely gutted to leave that supervisory relationship. But as I understand it, after I did leave there were changes within her role and then the service anyway.

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And so it might be that it came to an end. So, you know, sometimes it's better to be in control of when things end rather than feel like it's better to be the leaver, not the left, isn't it I always think. And what you'll learn in your career, you know, when you've been supporting aspiring psychologist is that they leave and then you miss them. The same was true with my first supervisor ever on training. I know she missed me cuz she messaged me to tell me , you know and you just don't realize how special you are and you know, why people resonate with you in the way they do. And I think we can get used to. So just thinking that we there's nothing special about us, we are just part of that treadmill, you know, we just another, another cog in the wheel, you know?

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But we are all unique. We've got our own special, unique gifts and talents. And it's lovely when others see those and really value having you in their world and in their service. So yeah, you will, as you go through your career, you will know more and more what it's like to be left . And there's like, just like, you know, I know when wanna, Sarah wouldn't mind me saying, but Sarah was in our team when she was a trainee psychologist and when she left, I was like, oh, I really miss her. And similarly when when my honor assistance moved on, I was like, oh, I miss them. It's not the same without how did I do this without them? You know? So yeah, it's been really nice having, you know, relationships with, with trainees and assistance throughout my career.

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And it's something that I get to continue as well. In my work, in supporting new lovely people. And then my first eight a supervisor our experiences in helping me assimilate to life as a parent of two and in, you know, processing the grief around my loss of my father, even before he died, you know, we worked through some of that grief stuff and it was really powerful and really important. And you know, what you are hearing within all of these accounts is lots of personal stuff cropping up in supervision. And in order to have a really functional relationship with your supervisor. That was my ankle. I've got a very cracky ankle keep needing to go to the chiropractor. Yeah, the, you kind of have to be vulnerable and bring yourself to supervision as well as your cases. And that is how I think you'll get the most of what you are doing within psychology. And at this point, let's take a short break, shall we? And I'll be back along very soon,

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*Jingles*

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I'm Joe and I work as an assistant practitioner in a cam service in Lancaster, I bought and read Marianne's book, the clinical psychologist collective to accompany me while completing the clinical psychology training application. It proved to be really good company. I found it sparked ideas of how to build experience and skills, but more than that, it offered the chance to get lost in people's stories. It provided a timely reminder not to get so caught up in an end goal and to value and enjoy each job we fulfill along the way, because the work we do now is important and matters to those. We sit alongside as well as ourselves. It also gave the reassurance that there are eclectic roots into clinical psychology, which is important for me as someone who's had a meandering journey and not a typical route to the profession. I wholeheartedly recommend the book for both personal and professional reasons. Be prepared to put evening tasks on hold for a while though, because once you've started reading, it's tough to put it down.

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So thank you for listening. I hope you found that catchy. So yeah as I was saying that within my first Aday role, there was really pivotal milestones that I went through. You know, as well as just, you know, her giving me the permission to go out there and do what I do, you know, and she was always fiercely encouraging of me and you know, really appreciated what I was able to do and how productive I was and how much I got done. And yeah, it was just really nice, nice experience, you know, that felt, I dunno, I guess I felt like a proper grown up in that role. You know, my first eight day role my only eight year role now, cuz I'm self-employed now. So yeah, just useful staff. So thank you, you know, who you are.

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And then there was someone else in the team as well, who I've kept as a friend from there. And I know she'd be happy with me name checking her cuz she listened to an episode recently. And that's Jane and she's a CBT therapist and we've shared some really important experiences as well, thinking about grief and parenting and you know, being in a relationship and we'd never worked together clinically actually. I don't think we've ever been in the same room. Oh yes. We have a couple of times. And that was a joy, an absolute joy to be working with Jane. Both of us loved it, loved it. We would've been working together a couple of more times as well, but the patients didn't turn up because that does happen sometimes. But yeah, we loved it. It was so nice being able to, you know, work together therapeutically, but yeah, just really nice to be, you know, to have a friend that he's at work, she's got girls who are a bit younger than me, but they're all adults.

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And so it was really nice just to have a friend from a, you know, a different generation, you know, thinking about intergenerational relationships. That's something that I wrote about for the press recently as well and the power and the importance of that. And last but not least, dear listener is you. The incredible people that I've met along my psychology career includes you and I really love being part of your experience and I really adore it when you tell me how useful it is, because it keeps me doing what I'm doing. You know, when I'm recording this, I'm speaking to you it's a personal connected relationship. That's how it feels to me. And you trusting me to help shape and guide you is lovely. So if you think about me as one of the good guys, that's really nice. That's really nice. It's a real privilege.

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It's a real honor, but I like learning from you as well. I like hearing what resonates with you, even stuff you don't like. I'd like to know that too helps me do things better. So yeah, it's just been the best experiences, you know, creating the clinical psychologist, collective book, creating this podcast series, the aspiring psychologist podcast and you know, the aspiring psychologist book as well. That's coming up. It's just been really nice hearing from so many of you and getting to know so many of you, especially in the aspiring psychologist membership and I'm aware this like, especially with the review of the 30 episodes so far, and this one, it sounds like I'm saying goodbye to the series and I'm not, there's no plans to stop the aspiring psychologist podcast. So don't worry, don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. Right. I am going to pause this.

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I'm not gonna pause it. I'm gonna stop it. I'm gonna stop that here, but thank you for listening. Do, let me know anyone that you've had important resonant connections with get journaling, get doing your gratitude practices see what happens, get your reflective journal out. And I will look forward to catching up with you again next week, Monday 6:00 AM from then don't, don't set your alarm for it. You know, if you are sleeping, stay asleep I will be there for you when you wake and when you have the head space to listen. But yeah. Do the good things rate with you. Listen, enjoy tag me on socials. If you enjoy an episode, tag me share it. I'd love it. Right. Be kind to you. I still don't have my lunch yet. I'm going to look forward to catching with you very soon. Bye. If you

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*Jingles*