How to use your knowledge to look after your mental health

(: 00:28

Hi, welcome along to the aspiring psychologist podcast. Today is gonna be quite a raw and honest podcast. I hope you find it useful, and I hope that you are able to use it and the approaches within it to reflect perhaps in your own practice. Perhaps going through your day-to-day life in a mindful way. Perhaps in supervision. Perhaps as a reflective journal exercise. But I try to showcase the way that I live my life and how I use my own knowledge, not only for the clients I work with, but also for myself. And that is the topic of today's episode is when you can use your own knowledge to apply to yourself or to help work out what might be going on with you. So yeah, here it goes. I thought we would do this by looking at my life and my behaviour through a few key areas.

(: 01:47

Key times where I wasn't feeling tip top. Okay. So, let's think about the first one that comes to mind. And it is in 2013 and at that point I have got a six-week-old baby, my first child, and I had no sleep for precisely six weeks. And about two days, I had only just been able to start driving again cuz I'd had an emergency c-section and you can't start driving again until you've been signed off as safe to do so. And that is usually around your six-week check. So, I was like home with my baby who I was just on cloud nine with. So, despite the fact that he was an utter, utter sleep thief at worst, he woke like 31 times a night. He was an absolute terror.

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when it came to nighttime. He also didn't really like naptime very much either. But all other times he was joyful. He was so smiley and gorgeous, and I just adored paying his money. I still do, but it's just, oh, I just felt like it was just me and him. So, I am married. I was still married at the time, but it was just like, it was just this just unique adoration, just like amazing. It's just like, we'd both landed on like planet perfection apart from, and aside from the fact that he did not sleep. And I was like, who is this child? Because I love sleep. Prior to becoming a mummy, it was not unheard of me to have a lie in on days when I wasn't working, then wake up, have some breakfast and then have a nap.

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And then sometimes I’d even have an afternoon nap and then I'd go to sleep and sleep all night long. I loved sleep. So, to then have this child who really was not finding sleep that natural which I know is really common. I just was not prepared for how exhausting that would be. You know, I don't know if you've ever been that tired, but when I reflect on that time, I think about it not necessarily so much in just the six weeks, first six weeks or difficult to begin with, but he went on until he was 20 months. His sleep chaos. But at times, you know, if it'd been particularly wild at night, there'd been many, many wakings perhaps after only 40 minutes of my sleep, for example. So, I was just really shattered, and I just felt cold to my bones.

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Even on a warm day, I felt like head fog, and I was more likely to eat rubbish because of the unique way that our ghreline…….. How do you say it? I have no idea, but it's a hormone which is really indicated in our eating and our eating hormones suppressant when we've had enough to eat. But there's also leptin as well, which I believe is quite indicated in appetite. And both of those hormones are affected when we are very tired. So, we might find that there's some evidence, even that people at buffets, if they've been sleep deprived will consume more calories than people who've had seven and a half to eight hours plus sleep per night. So yeah, this stuff matters. So, the time I'm telling you about is when he was just over six weeks old, I'd been able to get out and about in my car.

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So, I'd been to a breastfeeding support group was just trying to work out why it was all still kind of quite painful and very quickly he was assessed by a lactation consultant, and she was like, “he's got a posterior tongue tie”. And yeah, there's some people that don't think that's a thing, but I could promise you from the state of my body at that time. It's a thing, I absolutely am on board with that being a thing. And it should not have been hurting me as much as it was. And on that same couple of days, it might maybe even have been the same day. He was assessed by the GP for his kind of six week check and they kind of said, oh, I think I think he might have a bit of a squint in his eyes he's not focusing quite right, and we'd have expected it ordinarily to have corrected by now.

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So, babies are often born that way, but usually by about that age, it's sort of corrected itself. And I remember bathing him that night in the bath and just crying really. I was thinking, oh, this like perfect baby now potentially needs some kind of minor surgery to his tongue and might need to have all sorts of appointments to help correct this squint. And I just thought, oh, this is really sad. I'm really sad. I'm really, really sad. And then I was, of course, really tired. I was meeting a friend who is a fellow clin psych and now a mother - she wasn't at the time. I was meeting her for lunch in town. I think probably the following day or soon after that, and we just sat there, and I just had a good whole cry.

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And she was worried about me and my mental health at that time. I think she thought I was perhaps, you know, developing postal depression or I wasn't coping very well. So, she wasn't worried that I was concern to my baby. She was just worried about me as a friend and worried about me because of her knowledge of psychology too. But I was able to use my theory and my reflections to know I wasn't experiencing depression at that stage. So, I think an outsider and a GP, if I'd been honest with them at that point, they might well have just indicated, you know, suggested that that's post native depression, you know? But actually, I knew for me that it wasn't because I was still finding joy in him and in activities, I was still eating. I was still sleeping when I could.

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I was just reacting to what felt like to quite big hiccups with my baby, you know, with his health. And I just, it just took a little bit of time to adjust to that. And by eight weeks his tongue procedure had been done and things had settled down a bit and I was hoping that might improve his sleep. And of course, it didn't. But then he was feeding better and so my body was more comfortable. And so, I just really felt like I really moved into just my flow of being a mummy, even though I was a tired mummy at that stage. And so, things got better at that point and more effortless. And there was still so much joy and adoration around despite the fact that he was an absolute sleep monkey now, thankfully his squint did sort itself out.

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So, he never needed any treatment for that. It did resolve which I was really pleased about, but I think I could easily have been pathologised at that stage as being depressed. But I was able to use that to know that I was just reacting to life events. And that is not to disparage anyone who is experiencing postnatal depression at all. This is just my observation of knowing my own self really well and knowing, you know, the markers for depression and feeling that they didn't apply to me. It didn't, it wasn't depression I was experiencing because we must allow and tolerate that our lives will have ebbs and flows that sometimes we will feel better. Sometimes we will feel worse. And it's the good times that highlight the bad times, but it's also going through the bad times, which really highlight the great times.

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Isn't it? If you can reflect on some of the happiest times in your life, perhaps it's when you've been in the first flushes of new relationship or you've just moved house, or you've got a new job and you just are so delighted, you know? You reflect on how easily things seem to come to you, you know, how easily you smile at that point and how easy you find it to talk about yourself and how joyful you find things and how much joy you are able to find in yourself and in your activities and in the things you do with people. And sometimes you just can't keep that smile off your face. And that's a really, really lovely life stage. And you must breathe into that. You must lean into it; you must recognise it. It's okay to mindfully celebrate and reflect upon and kind of draw down upon those really good felt times to be able to draw on and reflect upon and to help you through times that feel less good. You know, you just know that better times are coming, whatever you are experiencing right now. There's always hope. I firmly believe that. So, let's break here for a short little snippet where we talk about the aspiring psychologist collective book, and I will be back along very, very shortly to talk with you about some more observations and reflections about my own mental health and my wellbeing journey,

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*testimonial*

The clinical psychologist collective book was a very helpful read and useful to step outside of the prep work for the dclin site application process to really consider if this is something you want to do and reflect on your personal journey. It is a very nice read and kept me company on train journeys. I do think Marianne's guidance through her podcast, compassionate Q and A sessions, and this book has played a part in my successful application this year. Thank you.

(: 15:00

Welcome back along. Thank you for staying tuned in, and I hope you found that useful. So, let's think about what I'm not saying during this episode. So, I'm absolutely not saying that it's not possible to develop mental health difficulties. I'm absolutely not saying that there's anything wrong with you or other people if they do. What I am talking about is using our extensive skills and training to try and do a bit of an audit of ourselves, really, and to look at using those skills in really being really super self-aware and reflective to kind of act as early help for yourself. And for me, I think about it as almost as daily gardening, really for my mental health, you know, just having a little bit of an overview of where I'm at. And I think that it can be, you know, really helpful to have this sort of approach in this sort of reflective style and space.

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And for me, I think it really helps make sure that what I'm experiencing as a state. And when I say state, I don't mean like, oh, you know, they were in a right state, although that's probably where it originates from a state is just, you know, something we're doing right now, but stops it from tipping over or developing into a trait. So, for me depression is when, you know, certain behaviours and symptoms and patterns of thinking and interacting start to become more entrenched. And so, they're becoming, or they have become, or it seems like they are traits like it won't change. That it's static. And for me, it's getting in ahead of that with myself you know, to really do what I can do to stay on top of that and to practice what I preach, I guess.

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And I guess it might be useful for you to use some of these approaches with yourself and to be as open as I am being and to practice, if it feels safe, being as open as I am being in your supervision sessions, if that feels safe to do so. That said, if you do want to register for my supervision guide, which can help you shape your supervision relationships, then head out to the details in the show notes or head to my website and then just forward slash supervision. So yeah, let's crash on with the rest of the episode. But just wanted to add that caveat so that you knew that I wasn't being all hated at all. Absolutely got stacks of compassion for people that are experiencing mental health difficulties and distress. But this is some of the ways that I dunno the grammar there.

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I feel like I'm gonna edit that but I'm not gonna edit out cause I'm not, I'm not super perfectionistic. So, these are some of the ways that I use to just do a bit of weeding, you know just to gently cogitate assess, think what's going on. You've been a bit crankier than usual lately. Marianne, what do you think that might be about? And I think it's about that gentle curiosity that I would apply with clients as well, or why don't we try and do that for a bit, and we'll just see whether that helps. And so that's what I would expect from myself. And that's what I would suggest can be useful when you are also working in mental health services and trying to look after yourself as well. So yeah, let's crack on. And yeah, just wanted to add that cause it felt really important.

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So, the second time I'm going to talk to you about is something more recent actually. So, it was in the run up to the summer holidays 2022. And I just had started to recognise that I was a bit Grier than I ought to be, you know, so my baseline is usually pretty cheery. You know, I'm usually pretty easy going. I usually smiled quite often and, you know, confined the humour in most situations and I just was like a bit irritable, and I was like, well, am I being irritable? Is everyone around me actually really annoying? You know, how do you discern that? Is it me? That's the problem? Or are they all really annoying? You know, I've got two kids and a husband, is it just them? Am I the problem? And I was like, I know I'm not sure it's me.

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Like, I dunno. But I thought, well, let's have a look at your life Marianne. Let's think about what might be going on to see if this could be you actually. So, I did a little bit of a, a dissection really, and it might be helpful at this stage to have a look at the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. So, at the bottom of that pyramid, I often do this with clients not about myself, obviously. But with them, we look at the physiological needs, which is air, water, food, shelter, sleep, clothing reproduction. Then the next one up we've got safety needs, which is personal security, employment, resources, health, and property, love and belonging, friendship, intimacy, family sense of connection. Next one up is esteem, respect, self-esteem status recognition, strength and freedom. And then right at the top, we've got self-actualization, the desire to become the most that one can be.

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And so, I was thinking, well, where am I doing really well at the moment? And I'm gonna cite that. One of the problems was love island people what was an hourly? My natural bedtime would be about nine 15, but when love Island's on, it doesn't finish till 10:00 PM and I can't be catching up on TV every day cause I'm very busy. And so, I was watching it live with my husband. We both love island fans. Big news just in is that Laura Whitmore is not doing it next year. Who's gonna present. Will it be, I can Sue. I heard yesterday. I think that might be quite good. I might be on board with that. But yeah, my sleep suffers. I get less of it. So, to speak during love island and not for the reasons you think just cuz it's later.

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So, it pushes back my bedtime routine by an hour really, you know, almost an hour. And you know, also in the UK, since July, it's been unbearably hot and, in my twenties, and when I was a teenager, I was a real sun bunny. I'd ordered it. But now that I am older than mid-twenties, I just don't like it. It is not for me. I am not here for that. Anything over 24, and I am like grumpy. I like to be a bit chilly in bed and to be all snuggled up and have a duvet. I can't wait. I can't wait to need a duvet again. I cannot wait. I literally, I'm kind of hallucinating about how wonderful that's gonna be and then in the next breath I'm like, but oh, but then we might need heating and the heating's gonna be expensive.

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So yeah, I'm just looking forward to autumn. when we don't need heating. But we can luxuriate in long trousers and blankets and pillows and you know, know that aren't covered in sweat and you know, doves that are wonderful. So, I blooming can't wait. So yeah, my sleep was being impacted on by that. So yeah, I decided to, to take that onboard once love island was finished, let's not go wild, I'm not quitting Mider. But I decided to get my sleep hygiene back on board. So, I'm never really a caffeine drinker anyway. I have the occasional cup of green tea. I don't eat much chocolate. But yeah, I decided to see if I could start going to bed slightly earlier again. And I have done that, and I looked at my food. So, if you've been following me on Instagram, Dr.

(: 24:32

Marianne Trent, where all the good stuff happens on Insta, I decided to start trying to eat a bit better. So, I decided to start trying to eat a bit more fruit and veg and a couple of years ago I was doing a 10 a day to eating 80 grammes of 10 different fruit and veg for a whole year I did it for a whole year. And at that point I thought I'm never gonna change back. Well, this is just gonna be me forever. Now, like this is just gonna be, this is gonna be where it's at. You know, I can't see me ever changing ever having this be any different, but then of course, like anything, things do change. So, once I've done the year, things slipped and before you know, us back down to probably eating a few portions a day, but I just thought, you know what, I'm gonna look at what changes I can make right now to really give myself the best chance of meeting my nutritional needs to support my optimal functioning, which is what this is about.

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And so, I started taking vitamins every day again. And because I am, I was gonna say an older lady, I'm not an older lady, but I'm 41. So, gotta be thinking about our bone density, started taking some calcium and vitamin D as well alongside that. And some fish oils, but also started I decided to buy a slow juicer. And if you'd like to more information about my slow juicer, you can find that in the show notes, we'll pop that in there for you. But yeah, slow juicer. I started doing some juicing and I've been really, really enjoying that. So, I've been adding to my stories, some other bits and pieces that I've been eating and drinking but really enjoying it. And yeah, I'm not gonna go all Renegade and say, I'm gonna do it every day for the rest of my life, like I did with the 10 a day.

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But I certainly am enjoying that. And so, I'm gonna continue that. So, that's probably it for the bottom section. You know, I am not employed. I am self-employed, but I was feeling safe. You know, I was feeling healthy, so I'm in good health. But I decided I would start running again. So, I'm doing strength training, but over the summer, I'm only doing once a week, not twice cuz I got kids, man, I got two of them. And so, to be around for them a bit more often I was doing strength training in the middle of the week, whereas I'd usually do it twice a week. And I decided, well, I can start running again. So, I can start running before I start work or if I'm not working, I can do it. At weekends before I get showered and things.

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So, I started running again and I'm not a marathon runner. I'm not very good at it if I'm honest. It's not really about that for me. It's not about the speed. It's not about the distance. I only run for about 15 minutes. It's about moving my body and knowing that my mental health responds really well to having been run like a dog, like getting out, getting some fresh air, having that time to think, oh look at this blackcurrant growing on that bush. Or there's a dog crew that missed that avoid, avoid, avoid or just saying hi to people in the street, you know, catching flowers coming out for the first time and watching the way the breeze moves the trees and noticing how parched all of the grasses and stuff at the moment. So, getting out and about is really useful for me.

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I respond well to that but depending on your own unique physiology and your physical health, you may not be able to do that. But still moving your body is really useful. For our mental health. I almost said mental health then mental health. So, yeah. Could you look to do that as well? Love and belonging. So yeah, I felt me, and my husband were in a pretty good place. We've been together almost 13 years and married almost 10. So, it's not the first flash of love and we have got two children, but yeah, I felt like we were good enough. Where we're at. We like each other, we still make each other laugh. We like spending time together. We do tend to protect at least an hour together each evening when we are both in, we usually in to spend time together.

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Before we had kids, we'd do like cool stuff, like play Rummy have a glass of wine maybe sometimes and play downfall. You won't beat me at downfall. Don't think you can cuz you won't. Very rarely has anyone beat me at downfall. But yeah, we'd spend time doing stuff other than watching TV, but largely these days we do watch TV, but we spend time together usually on a Saturday and we'll have an earlier tea together, just me and him once the kids are in bed. And then we spend time together then as well. So, we, yeah, I felt like that was good, but I recognise that even though I've got loads of friends that most of them are not on my immediate doorstep. But I'm very, very fortunate that one of my one of my children has got a best friend and it just so turns out that me and his mom get on really, really well.

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And so, I decided that we'll start spending some more time together as well. It doesn't just need to be when the kids are you know, together. And so, we've been planning more time together. We're off, out together for dinner for the first time this coming Friday actually. As I record this and yeah, we just, like, I went around to see her the other day on her birthday and we just, you know, laughed our heads off. Like it's just really nice to be able to have a friend right on my doorstep. So yeah, I've got friends that I trained with that are living locally to me. But when I say locally to me, it's still about half an hour away and half an hour away may as well be, you know, three hours away because I still wasn't seeing them.

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But I did make a trip to go and see two of my friends who live by half an hour away and really, really enjoyed connecting with them. And yeah, right at the start of the summer went away and connected with three of my undergrad friends and we went and stayed away in a beautiful little cottage with a hot tub. It was really nice. So, just really looking at where I could thicken the narrative around my friendships to make sure that I was checking off that area of the master's hierarchy. And yeah, continuing to plan in activities that are enjoyable and things to look forward to. So yeah, that's that the love and belonging section and the sense of connection and all of that. And then really enjoyed our little family holiday as well when we went down to east wintering spending time together and also a bit more sleep as well, which topped up those needs.

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And yeah, just a more relaxed pace of life. So, you will know that I like to get things done, there's always busy plates spinning in my life, be it personal or professional or both. It's just nice to take my foot off the gas for a bit and just lean into being on holiday. Self-Esteem. I feel like I respect myself feeling alright. Yeah. Feeling okay with what I'm doing and self actualisation, you know, I absolutely even when I was feeling a bit wobbly and a bit Moy and you know, I still wanted to do well. It wasn't like I was saying, I can't do that. I mustn't do that. I just was a bit concerned about my general levels variability. And I can report I'm recording this the end of August. I'm feeling really good again. So maybe, maybe it was me or maybe the children not being at school and not having to hustle them out the door is meaning they're less annoying and they are causing me to be less irritated.

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You know, we are spending time together. And so, they've got my attention. I'm always quite careful that at the end of every day at bedtime, that we have a little review of the day, and you know, we'll say what's our favourite part of the day. What's our least favourite part of the day. My eldest tries to chuck in what is my funniest part of the day. And I'm like, baby boy, life's not a lot funny when you're 41. Like , it's very rare that I'll laugh my head off uncontrollably uncontrollably. You know, I wish that happened more of, I do find myself quite amusing. But yeah, life's not as, you know, spontaneously gleeful as it is when you are nine or when you are six. So often I'll say, no, we're not doing the funny one today.

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So, we do the best part, which is probably a bit miserable. You're like Marianne that's so grumpy. So yeah, maybe I just need to find more opportunities to laugh in every given day. But the kids are always a bit disappointed if my favourite part of the day is not with them, is something different. But I think that is role modelling appropriate that they are not the Kings of this world and that there can be joy found outside of being their mother. good job. I don't rely on them solely for my joy so they eat a lot of it. eat my joy. Which if you're not a parent yourself, you might be like, how could she speak about her children like that? But you know, they're like Pac Man, you know, gobble up your free time.

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They gobble up your money. You know, get me a drink. No darling let's try again. Ask me again, please. Can I have drink please? And I was like, well suppose so what did your last slave die of? You know, but if I let them make it themselves, it'll be squash everywhere, but so largely I'm happy to be the drinks machine. But yeah, I want someone to speak to me politely. I don't wanna be spoken to like a slave cuz I ain't nobody's slave. So yeah, I'm sharing this level of vulnerability with you to invite you, to reflect on your own Maslow's hierarchy, to invite you, to reflect on whether you could be pathologising yourself and what control you might be able to have to make changes in your life. So, you know, it's no surprise that people with the best mental health are generally getting good sleep.

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They are connected to people. They are feeling like they've got a sense of achievement that they're seeing people that they like regularly, either in person or remotely they're feeling connected to something. They feel like they are achieving, they are eating good food, you know? And so, any time that I feel like I'm slipping away from that, it's useful just to take a little bit of a look and to make sure that where possible I can make tweaks and make changes to get myself yeah. On a more even keel, you know, because I am 41. I did wonder whether I could be menopausal as well. And this isn't really something I'd considered much before. You know, Davina has been talking a lot about that over the last couple of years, unless she's got a book coming out that I'm quite looking forward to reading as well.

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It looks pretty as well. I saw her with a copy of it on her Instagram recently. You know, so is that around for me? I don't know. I think my mum went through the menopause. She'd be mortified in telling me this a bit later than 41. I think she was probably late forties. So yeah, I don't think that's the case, you know, am I just a bit grumpy? Is that it? but I feel, I dunno, I feel energised when it comes to my work, you know, I'm not annoyed with you guys. No, and so is it just that my kids were going through a bit of a grumpy, demanding phase? Were they worn out? Was I worn out from the end of the school year? Have we all responded? We nicely to this protracted family time and that said I have been able to record this podcast this afternoon.

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Well, I was gonna record it anyway, but instead of ignoring my children, my mother-in-law text me and said, oh, do they wanna come over to this afternoon? I was like, yes yes, they do. I'm bringing them now. See you soon. So yeah, I've been able to record two podcast episodes with them, not in the house. I wonder how I'll be able to get any editing done before they get home. Probably not, probably not. But yes. I can't remember why I told you that. No… can't remember, but could you use these techniques to look at helping you be your optimal self? You know, what tweaks could you make? Let me know. Won't you come along and discuss it with me on the aspiring psychologist community we have in the aspiring psychologist community Facebook group.

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I'd love to know what you think of this episode. Anything that it's evoked or provoked for you. Let's continue this conversation. And yeah, thank you for being kind with me as I bear my soul. And yeah, looking forward to catching up with you for what will be episode 41 very soon as I've said, 40, how cool is that? Have you listened to all 40 so far? Are you like, you know, a regular, let me know. Come and connect on socials. I love celebrating with you. I'm Dr. Maryanne Trent, most places, but you can check out my link tree or the details initial notes. Alright. Take care. Be kind to yourself. Thanks for being part of my word. Bye.