All the ways I've failed in psychology

Dr Marianne Trent (: 00:00

Coming up in today's episode of the Aspiring Psychologist Podcast, we are looking at failures. We are looking at all of the ways that things have not gone to plan for me in psychology. This might well resonate with you for a variety of reasons, personal and professional, but really want to inspire you to know that whatever you are going through now or whatever you've been through in the past, doesn't mean that you can't still be a wonderful mental health professional. I hope you find this episode so useful.

Jingle Guy (: 00:37

If you're looking to become a psychologist, then let this be with this podcast.

Dr Marianne Trent (: 01:06

Hi, welcome along to the Aspiring Psychologist Podcast. I'm Dr. Marianne Trent, and I'm a qualified clinical psychologist. If you are listening to this episode when it is first available, then you might well be aware that if you are an aspiring educational psychologist, that the deadline for applications for this year is looming. It is Wednesday the 29th of November, 2023. So that is imminent. That is this week. If you're listening to this on Monday, and if you are an aspiring clinical psychologist and you are planning on applying this year, then I hope you've already done it because the deadline for that was Wednesday, the 22nd of November. So I hope that went really well for you if you did apply, and there will be episodes coming soon about what you can do between now and when we start to hear about shortlists. I thought it would be a really nice chance to think today about when things don't go to plan, because that is life, isn't it?

(: 02:19

And we often, I think, don't talk enough about the things that we haven't done very well, felt like failure at the time, and might even have come with a big F fail stamp. So others may also have regarded it as failure. And why I think this is important as a narrative is because it helps us with our reflecting. It helps us with our growth. It also helps normalise some of the struggles that are around for us in our career, both as aspiring mental health professionals and qualified ones too. If you think I sound a little bit gruff, I've had a little bit of a cough hanging around in the background, so I'll make sure that my podcast editor edits out any hacking coughs that happen in case you're listening to an MP3 and you're like, she sounds different. That's why. Okay, so let's think in no particular order about one of the first ways that I have failed in psychology.

(: 03:23

So the first of the ways is that I got three CSS and AD for my A Levels. Now, technically not a fail, but bearing in mind my GCSEs were much better than that, I think I fell below my own expectations, and I think there's a variety of reasons for that. So I worked really, really hard at school for year seven, year eight, and year nine, and enough of knuckling down and doing all my homework and doing all my extra reading. I think I burned myself out a little bit. So when it came to GCSEs, probably had a bit more fun with my friends. I definitely took my foot off the accelerator pedal, but I still managed to do pretty well for my GCSEs. I think I got one A* three a's five B's and A 'C'. So pretty reasonable, and I think that then lulled me into a false sense of security when it came to my A levels.

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I thought I could coast through again. But what I probably hadn't appreciated was that the core subjects that I was studying at GCSE, I'd probably put in all the legwork for in my very conscientious year, seven, eight, and nine. And of course, I still went to the lessons and did the homework that I had to do. I think that was enough to carry me through reasonably well for GCSEs and for my maths. I did ask for extra help, so me and my friend went and did extra help, probably a bit late. If I'd done that for the coursework element, I think I might well have got an A star for maths, whereas in the end I got AB. But yeah, I think what I needed was probably for the teachers to not have taken their eye off me and to have thought I was probably a reasonably safe bet.

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I think I needed some accountability. So I used to just use my study sessions to go and hang out. Sometimes I have a little nap at school, so we had to be at school in those days during study periods, but we weren't held accountable for what we did. So I remember for my biology A level, which I did, we had these really lovely books. They weren't that thick, they were quite thin, and it was kind of one module at a time. And really all I needed to have done to have got a really good grade was to read that book, probably lesson by lesson and then maybe take a few notes on it. This might be a good chance to talk about the better ways of educating and preparing for exams, which you can find by checking out my YouTube. That's episode 65, and that came out on the 6th of March, 2023.

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I think I would've found that really, really useful and really, really inspiring to let me know what I was doing wrong. But I would've benefited from a teacher just being there saying, this is your free time, but you can use this for your reading. Come along, do that reading that you know are not going to do if you are not here. I would've gone along and I would've got that done and I would've done much better. Whereas the complete lack of structure just meant that I took all my feet off all of the pedals, I think, and just coasted. And so I think I've probably got some traits of ADHD. So I think I did reasonably well when I was being ridden in GCSEs, but teachers very much give you the learning and the responsibility for learning at a level certain they did in the late nineties as well, which is when I was doing my qualifications and I needed more accountability.

(: 07:43

And I think I probably could have created that had I asked for it. So that led to me getting AD in biology. It didn't alter the place I was offered at university, but had I been studying harder and more efficiently from the beginning, it might well have affected which university I chose. It may not have done, and it all still ended up okay, but that's where I think I failed in my A Levels. And the second thing I failed at I'll level with you is an almost failed, and it was when I was doing my doctorate in clinical psychology. There's an awful part in your mid placement review where your personal tutor from the university turns to your placement supervisor and says, is there any chance that they might fail this placement? And on one occasion the answer was yes. There's a whole backstory to this, which is another episode, which I don't feel was just, I do feel we just had a mismatch of communication.

(: 08:55

I did end up passing that, but it did lead to lots and lots of distress, lots of self-doubt, lots and lots of difficulties that I did end up then getting some therapy for laterally. But yeah, those were the words I heard, and it absolutely had an impact upon me whether or not they were just or fair another story, but they were said, and I still had all the feels, all the stuff going on. And so it's big, it's important, and people wield power over us, and absolutely, we've got our own responsibilities. We've got everything we bring to the party. But I did feel that was a very challenging time in my life. So yeah, that was number two. Number three, I did actually fail a module in my undergraduate psychology. I think it was in year two. It might have been in year three, I think it was in year two, and it was, would you believe it?

(: 10:06

It was an optional module. So there was a free floating module where I could have picked anything for, I think it was for a semester, and I really fancied maybe French or creative writing, which with things that I thought was a nice chance to do something as a little bit of bonus credit, but it doesn't necessarily need to be something psychology ish. The problem being is of all the modules didn't coincide with the free time that I had available. And so I was sort of suggested I do the suggested module on probability. And so I did, and some of my peers did that, some of them didn't. And I just didn't seem to be able to get it into my mind what I was doing. And my friend sitting next to me ended up getting basically an A star. She got everything right. I remember in the tests that we did, she got like a hundred percent and I was like, oh, no, I'm really not understanding.

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I'm really not getting this. And when it came to the exam, I failed it. And so I had to have the experience of going into university during the summer term, which was like two and a half hour trip each way to re-sit. And I dunno how I did it. I think I did some extra lessons with my brother who was a pure maths student at university. And he, I think, coached me enough that I was able to just scrape a pass. But I don't quite know what I would've done if I didn't pass that. I think I probably would've had to pay to have done it again myself. But it didn't feel good, and it didn't feel good because it was an F, it was a fail. It was a fail and repeat and redo, but also because it was something I'd chosen, I'd had some control in that didn't technically need to take that module, although I couldn't really find anything else to do.

(: 12:08

So how much choice I had, I'm not really sure. But yes, I did fail a module at university number four, probably should have made this number three, but it is number four all the same. I failed my driving test. I only passed on the third attempt the first time. I just don't think I was ready the second time, I think I made a bit of a silly mistake, but the third time I really thought my driving was all right. But what happened was because I went the wrong route, so the instructor wanted me to think, go straight over. And I think I went, it's Milton Keynes, it's the land of roundabouts. I think I took second left. I just thought, oh, I failed then. Alright. So I just carried on doing the rest of the route just thinking, this is driving practise if nothing else, and I'm paying for the car.

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I've paid for the test. And then I got to the test centre and they said, well, I'm pleased to say that you've passed. And I was like, what do you mean? I've passed? I went wrong. I said, yes, but you indicated appropriately. So at the point where I thought I'd failed, I just relaxed and I just drove without any pressure. And then that allowed me to showcase my driving ability without any kind of panic. So yes, as long as you are telling them what you're going to do properly and then you do, it doesn't matter what route you take. I did make it quite tricky for my driving instructor at the time, who then had to find a different route for me to then go and do all the things that I needed to do. They used different routes for different candidates so that you're not doing the same route every time.

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But yeah, I did find it really challenging. The first time I failed, it really was a dent to my ego. And why is this relevant to psychology? I hear you ask. Well, it's because for many roles in psychology, you need to be able to drive. Certainly for the doctorate in clinical psychology, driving is a prerequisite. You need to take your driving licence with you to interview sometimes to show that you can drive. And so this was key. But I did manage to pass just at the end of my first year of undergrad. And then it meant that I was able to take my car to uni and drive around, take my friends to the supermarket. And sometimes because we lived at the top of a big hill, sometimes we'd just drive down the big hill and then drive back up it again if it was raining, which it did a lot in South Wales in those days, fuel was really cheap as well gone those days.

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But yeah, I did fail my driving test on the first two attempts. But I do think that learning to drive and having my driving licence is one of the best skills that I have. It's meant I've been able to do so many wonderful things, both work pleasure, family related. I've driven in Thailand, I've driven in New Zealand, driven in Spain, internationally, nationally. And I've just done wonderful, wonderful things because I can drive top memory of driving was when I was backpacking in 2003 in Australia and nobody else wanted to or could drive the four by four that we were using on Fraser Island, which is the largest sand island in the world. And so I did, me and my friend who I backpacking with, we did all the driving and I loved it. It was so exciting, so cool, just like flooring it on a beach.

(: 15:58

Really, really cool. And I wouldn't have been able to do that if I couldn't drive. So it is absolutely a very important skill, I would say. But it's also meant that in some of the more junior clinically relevant roles I've did, I was able to do home caring. I was able to do work in the community with people. And so it was really important to me in my psychology career as well. Number five, and this is the last one before we take a brief break, but I did actually fail an assignment on my doctorate in clinical psychology. And I think there's a variety of reasons for this. It was the second presentation that I had to do. I think it was in my third year. I think I felt a bit like I'd done so well in the presentation that I did. That was number one that I got a little bit complacent.

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I don't think I was super happy about the topic I was doing, but because it was a topic that I felt like I knew a great deal about because of the work that I had done, it was on physical health. I think it was on multiple sclerosis, and I felt like I knew quite a lot about it already. So I think I didn't do enough prep, and I think I felt that the teacher that was going to be assessing it, I think I felt they were so nice that they wouldn't be critical and they wouldn't fail me, I don't think I realised it was really possible to fail a presentation, good at presentations, but I did fail it nonetheless. And I had to resubmit. I think it was just a few tweaks. I don't think I had to do the whole presentation again. But the learning points here are make sure you are giving assignments and exams, the necessary prep and legwork that you need. Make sure you're looking at your essential criteria that you need to be demonstrating.

(: 18:06

Don't be, be overly confident, go into things. Giving them the due respect that they deserve is my learning point. This is a doctoral level qualification. I should have been putting in doctoral level effort into all of the assignments. So yeah, do better. Marianne was the answer. And thankfully that was then passed, but it didn't feel very nice. But it is common. People will often fail at least one assignment on their doctorate courses, and it's not a big deal so long as it doesn't keep happening. And you can sometimes ask for extensions as well if you know that you've got life or contextual factors going on. You can ask for an extension as well. If you don't hand it in on time obviously, and you haven't asked for an extension, it would go down as a fail. So I've always managed to submit my work on time, but on that occasion, I did fail that presentation. So let's use this time here now to take a short break and I'll be back along very soon.

Jingle Guy (: 19:41

So many tips, lessons to learn from so many things that you can

Dr Marianne Trent (: 20:09

Welcome back along. In the first half of the episode, we were looking at my first five ways that I have failed in psychology. I've still got loads more to share with you, and I really want to have these conversations so that we normalise that getting things A * and right first time are not essential and not par for the course either. Let's look at number six, and it may not feel that psychological, but I would class a serious relationship fail as being psychology releases. So it was heartbreaking. It was my choice. But I do feel that my psychology career was partly because of that, because I hoped I was going to be going away to a university town or city to go and study. I didn't know where that was going to be, but I knew that was the direction that I wanted my life to go in, and I just wasn't entirely convinced that that was going to necessarily be possible in that relationship.

(: 21:27

And there's obviously a variety of reasons involved, but yeah, there might well be heartbreak and relationship breakdowns on your journey. And it's also pretty common when people get onto doctorate training that there might be some relationship breakdowns too. Sometimes it's called the divorce course and there will be an episode coming on that in future too. Number seven is that I actually only got a low 2:1 at university. So I did then go on to do master's level study to evidence that I could do it. But I think it was some of the same old, same old from my A levels, which meant that I wasn't applying myself. I was certainly, I would say doing more than my university housemates were, especially in the final year because I think she would say herself, the only other person in my house who was actually in her final year didn't really care.

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She was doing media and she wasn't really that bothered. Whereas my other friend, she had changed courses after year one. And so she was actually only in her second year when I was in my third year. And then I was living with two Irish guys who mainly just had lots and lots of fun. I don't know what work they did, if any. So when I was needing to study, I was sometimes having to say, no, I can't come out. I can't do these things because I need to study. But of course if there'd been it's, it's not my housemates fault, absolutely. But if there'd been more people studying and less exciting things happening and I'd been less impulsive, then I might well have done more studying. But there was actually another relationship breakdown during my final year, and I think had I not had the relationship breakdown, I probably just would've wanted to spend all my time with him.

(: 23:38

And so I may not have even got the low 2:1, which then would've meant a very different career experience for me. So with hindsight, I'm kind of pleased that that happened. But at the time, that was also really, really, really challenging. But yeah, I think I would've benefited from more accountability when I was getting my assignments back at university in my first year, second year and third year. They weren't what I was expecting. The grades weren't as good as I expected. And actually what I think I should have done was I should have reached out to the Student Support learning centre and got some more support and guidance and all the lecturers, how can I do better? But I think a little bit of pride got in the way, a bit of embarrassment. I didn't do that, but that's absolutely what I should have done.

(: 24:38

And I think it's probably some of the same old from when I was at secondary school. I was used to doing well and I didn't seem to be doing as well as I hoped to or thought I could and I should have asked for more help. So some more accountability for some more structure. So thankfully I did get my low 2:1 one, but I think I was probably capable of more. So yes, I've sort of ended up saying two points in one there because not asking for help uni was my next point. But I think it's related, isn't it? So yeah, if you are not getting the results that you think that you should be or that you think you're capable of, or all of your peers seem to be finding it much more effortless than you are, do ask for help. There is no shame in asking for help.

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I wish I had, because it's much better to feel like you are comfortably within your window of tolerance, your zone of excellence, rather than feeling like you are really trying hard and you're not meeting the standards. So please, if you are not getting the results that you are expecting, please do ask for help. And last but not least, I mean there might well be loads more, but these are the ones that I could think about was that of all the jobs I applied to, there were many, many aspiring psychologist jobs that I didn't even get shortlisted for or I got interviews for, but I wasn't appointed to. Sometimes I was told, oh, you were our second choice, but they, the person has accepted the job, but it's just so close, but no cigar as the saying goes. And I remember there was one time that I took that really personally, so it wasn't even an assistant psychologist role.

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It was when I was living near Milton Keynes and it was for the Milton Keynes Community Foundation. And I just felt that this job would be really, really good for me. And it felt like it was kind of clinically relevant, working with lots of vulnerable populations and doing lots of outreach work. And I just felt this job would be a bit of me. And I went to the interview and I was so excited. I would've really, really liked the job. And then I remember going out to the theatre with friends that evening, and I was sort of imagining how cool it would be to work there, and I felt like, oh yeah, I'd practised saying what my job title was in my head, and I felt like the interview had gone well, and that was going to be my new job. So it was a surprise and a disappointment to learn that I didn't get the job with the feedback being that we didn't feel that you knew enough about Milton Keynes is built of lots of different estates on the grid.

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We didn't feel like you knew enough about the different estates on the grid and the areas of deprivation that were around in Milton Keynes. Now, they were probably right. So although I'd grown up living and working in Milton Keynes, I probably didn't know enough at that stage. But what I would say is that the next job that I did get working for Milton Keynes Council was directly working in those areas of deprivation. So I did then develop a very good understanding, real empathy for the people that were living there. And I think I probably got the job I needed. So when I was looking for qualified work, one of my peers said to me, what's for you doesn't pass you by? And it really held onto that because I believe I got the job I needed. That ended up with me having a wonderful supervisor who's become a friend for life.

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I learned so much about myself as well as about psychology in the next role that I got working with disabled adults, and I learned how to be human, how to do loads of really important tasks like budgeting, safeguarding motivation, coming up against adversity, understanding about physical health, the challenges inherent in that, how to apply for benefits with people, how to do activity scheduling. I did absolutely loads. So I absolutely got the job that I needed to then get me two and a half years I think I was there for, to then be able to get assistant psychologist roles. But yeah, I didn't get quite a few roles. There was even qualified roles I didn't get. The tricky thing being when I graduated in 2011 was that we were in the recession and there were no jobs. And so there were lots and lots of people going for not many jobs.

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So there was probably three or four interviews I had that I didn't get before. I then did get my Camhs job, and that was tricky because I needed a job, I had a mortgage. But I did end up being out of work for a couple of months. But I still think that was great, and it gave me time to decompress from the university experience and to transition myself from being a trainee clinical psychologist to a qualified one. So yes, if you are coming to the end of your training, I would still suggest it's quite good to have a little bit of downtime in between those two roles if you can. So we have had a whistle stop tour through the eight ways and more that I have failed in psychology. I hope this has been really interesting for you to listen to as it helped you reflect on your own journey on the things that might not have gone to plan for you.

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Please do bear in mind the Aspiring Psychologist Collective and the Clinical Psychologist Collective because there are many more experiences of people talking about failure and things not working out for them. Well, there will be links in my show notes where you can check those out. But yeah, I would love your thoughts about this. Please do come and let me know what you think to this episode in the free Facebook group, the Aspiring Psychologist Community with Dr. Marianne Trent. That's over on Facebook. Please do rate and review this podcast on Apple and Spotify. Do consider leaving me a LinkedIn recommendation as well. If we are connected on there, that would be so gratefully received. Please do remember the ways that you can download some of my free resources as well. Going to my website, www.goodthinkingpsychology.co.uk. If you go to the free resources section on the tab, you can download the free DClinPsy guide, the free supervision contract, and the learning curve document as well, all of which gets great reviews. So thank you so much for being part of my world. I'll look forward to catching up with you for the next episode of the Aspiring Psychologist Podcast, which will be available for you from 6:00 AM on Monday. Take care.

Jingle Guy (: 32:22

If you're to become a psychologist, then let this be your guide with this podcast to be on toed with Dr.